Believe me, I used to believe the religious type were very dangerous, but now I need their vote, so “my friends”, now, in this time of fundamental assaults on the American Way of life, now is not the time to question my lack of economic, domestic, or religious knowledge: knowledge and wisdom matter little when there is so much evil in the world! Believe me “my friends”, I have looked into the eyes of Putin and saw only KGB, and this evil must be destroyed! “My friends” the evil Russians threaten everything we stand for, and bin-laden is still on the loose, and I, only I “my friends”, know how to catch and kill him, but I will not tell you how unless you elect me first.
“My friends” it is time to put country before politics as usual, that is why I picked Sarah Palin as my VP b/c she can see Russia from Alaska and her foreign policy credentials rival perhaps even my own, and while I know we must not suffer witches to live, “my friends”, that is only religious gobbledygook, and I need this witch to win b/c she provides the perfect ointment to apply to the wounds of people who take their religion seriously; and anyway, we have all seen Palin exorcised of her witchy ways by that esteemed black witch doctor pastor Muthee. See “my friends” she even wears an Israeli flag pin from time to time, and isn’t she just so pretty anyway (if you saw her beauty pageant video you know what I mean!!!) and I know ya’all joe sixpacks know what I mean ;) ;).
Gosh darn “my friends” we simply cannot let those Georgetown cocktail partygoers ruin this country even more than they already have; I mean look at this financial crisis those doughfaced liberals have unleashed upon this nation. “My friends” we will also end the greed and corruption that made those money-grubbing Wall Street speculating jerks, who have colluded with those evil democrats, so rich at our expense. For the past thirty years I allowed this evil greed to flourish, but now “my friends”, to coin an Obama, “enough”! Charles Keating has even volunteered to come out of retirement to help me eradicate this evil that pollutes the halls of Washington D.C. and Wall Street.
“My friends”, “my friends”, we cannot allow “that one” to smooth talk his way to our white house ;) ;)! Hockey moms of the world unite and let us destroy the evil in our midst as well as over there, in Iraq, and Afghanistan, and North Korea, and Iran, and Russia, and . . .
“My friends” now is not the time for universal health care, only privileged socialists like me get taxpayer funded health care our entire lives. We must fight, “my friends”, fight, because we can not afford the Marxist programs of those evil democrats, so after I buy up all of those bankrupt loans, “my friends”, we shall go to war, because only war can stimulate our economy, while it also promotes industry . . .
“My friends” bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Pakistan, come on “my friends” sing with me just insert your country of choice!
My admiral daddy and granddaddy said honor and glory comes from war only, so I vow “my friends” to wage wars for a hundred years and beyond: make war not peace “my friends” ;) ;)